It’s going to hurt

Bear and Toby hanging out on the deck relaxing.

#SorryNotSorry there’s no other way around it. It’s going to hurt.

We end up in pain in two ways in our life: through the things that we do that are not helpful, and through things that are helpful.

Hear me out for a little story time…

As I’ve said before, I did a lot of things wrong with my dogs. They were my first pets, and while I learned so much, I simply didn’t know a lot of things. And as they grew from puppies into adult dogs we simply stopped doing things, because it got hard.

It was uncomfortable to walk them, because they pulled on their leashes. So we didn’t.
It was difficult to take them out, because they acted too wild, so we didn’t.
It was embarrassing to make trips to the vet’s office, because they cried and acted wild the whole time.

It was a painful experience to deal with them, so we attempted to avoid the pain by simply not doing it.

But it was equally painful not to do those things - it meant when we had to go out (to the vets) it was a struggle the entire time. It meant when they needed to go for a car ride, we had to deal with them being rambunctious and crying the whole time. It meant we couldn’t go for fun walks or go visit places because they were not behaved enough to do it.

But here’s the honest truth. When they were 10 years old we moved up to a farm where there was no back yard. We were able to fence in an area for them, but it was not attached to the house. That meant we had to walk on a leash to the yard. There was no choice. It was painful at first. Every time they needed to go out and the leashes came out there were lots of antics and craziness just getting out the door and down the deck through the grass to the yard. They were pulling and yanking and bouncing all over the place.

But within a week it became a non-event. They politely sat inside the door, and outside the door again (we at least knew how to do that, even if it was a struggle at first), and then they waited at the gate while I closed it, and then took their leashes off. All of the years and years of their life (10+ years to be exact…) that we avoided going on walks and avoided having the leashes was fixed in a matter of two weeks. Just. By. Doing. It.

By avoiding the very skill that the dogs needed - learning to walk on a leash - we didn’t actually avoid any discomfort. We just lived with it, gritted our teeth through it, and dodged it whenever we could. But it wasn’t fun. We missed out on 10 years of being able to walk fun places (I lived in a state park, it was beautiful, so we missed out on a lot). Instead of simply bearing the discomfort of getting through the learning phase, we spent over 10 years being uncomfortable.

The most painful part of this lesson is that I can look around and see where I do this with almost everything in my life. I avoid the uncomfortable things with my pets. I avoid the uncomfortable things with my own personal health, my mental health, and my physical body. It happens in relationships, with life skills, and with all manner of everything.

If we can learn to embrace the discomfort of doing what supports our highest and greatest good then we will actually avoid a lot more pain in our lives.

If we can simply do the 10 minutes of exercise a day, we’ll avoid the years of physical discomfort when our bodies complain to use about the lack of movement.

If we can do the little extra self care items that take so little time, we’ll avoid the discomfort of our mental state deteriorating to the point where we can’t function.

If we can make the choice to drink more water, and choose foods that nourish us, we’ll avoid the discomfort of our body feeling ill.

All of those things are choices, and I know that none of the “good” choices are comfortable. But not doing the good choices is also uncomfortable, often more so than simply making the good choice.

There’s a horseman that once said “do less sooner rather than more later,” and that rings so true in this context. Do the little uncomfortable steps now so that you don’t have to deal with the long term discomfort that comes with not doing them.

Spend the extra 10 minutes training your dog. Learn about how to teach your pet to be calm. Learn how to support yourself in being calm for your pets. Go work with the horse, knowing that it will get easier every time you do it.

Each step can feel huge, but the long term discomfort that you’ll be in by avoiding the small steps is going to be far greater.