I frequently get asked what my biggest tip for improving pet relationships is, and it is always the same.

Talk to them.

Nothing else can have as dramatic of an impact on your relationship with your pet than simply talking to them.

So what’s the big deal?

Your pet lives in your world, and whatever they have is all they have with you. It’s their entire world. But that doesn’t mean they understand what is happening in that world.

The thing is they are exposed to all of your life - the ups and downs. They live with you through job changes, relationship challenges, financial struggles, additions to the family. All the nitty gritty day to day grind, and all of your challenges they are right there with you.

This is a rant.

Consider yourself warned.

I took a quick vacation down to the mountains of North Carolina to see family this past week, and I adore the slow mountain pace. Things are just less pressured there, less rushed, less anxious all around. The collective energy is different (I know those mountains have just a little something to do with it, but that’s another conversation for another day…).

Coming back home was like being plunged in ice water. The energy here is just so different. Top that off with news about violence and car accidents, and a major earthquake in Turkey. Not the greatest re-entry into ‘normal’ life.

I see people everywhere fussing about other people. Relationships suffering because the other person won’t do this or that.

Here’s the deal. You must focus on doing you better before the world can be better. It’s a collective thing.

Gideon Goodheart, Kim Walnes’ stallion, recently shared some powerful wisdom around the perspective of judgement:

"Today, please consider judgement. In all of its aspects, it is non-supportive. It is also non-loving. This includes not only thoughts you might be thinking about another, but also those internal messages you send yourself.

For trust me, each and every one of those thoughts are messages. And though you may not even be consciously aware you are thinking them, they are being received. Judgement sends the implication of "less than", failure, exclusion. Physically they are felt as weakness and an energetic pressure. Emotionally they wreak havoc of all kinds.

Most pet owners come to me with all sorts of questions about how their pet feels about their daily life together. Do they like the house, their other family members (humans and other pets), what do they think of life? Sometimes there are specific questions around relationships, or health, and the owner will worriedly want to know what their pet is thinking.

What’s interesting is in almost every case the pet’s owner already knows the answer.

I know that you are utterly devoted to your pet. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here reading this blog. So that’s not in question.

But what I do want to ask is how much time are you actually devoting to your pet?

Remember back when the pandemic first started and everything shut down… how much of a shock it was to suddenly have almost no contact with other human beings on a daily basis? Remember how hard that was?

Now pause and check in to notice how much time are you actually devoting to connecting with your pet?

My clients usually come to me because there is a behavior struggle with their pet. When we start to get into details about strategies for changing behavior and how to relate to the pet, I hear lots of reasons why it can’t or won’t work. Or that the pet is/will always be this way.

This breaks my heart to hear because I can see how locked into a particular pattern the pet and owner are.

What I see underneath this, though, is a belief about how the owner is relating to their pet.

If you want to learn to connect intuitively with your pet, there are some simple steps you can take to learn to hear what your pet has to say.

Hearing your pet intuitively is a simple as being quiet.

Simple. Not easy.

It takes practice and patience to develop the skill of understanding your own intuitive voice first, then being able to listen to hear another being. It is the delicate balance of making the effort, but not trying too hard.

Our world is moving ever faster and faster, but somehow that does not change the speed at which actual beings can process things.

The theme of slowing down has come up a lot recently (Tasha Lockey and I actually did an episode in our podcast about it, you can find it here) and I’ve been examining the concept from a lot of different angels.

The biggest thing that I have noticed is that it doesn’t really matter how fast our world moves, we are still only capable of going at the speed that we can handle (and that will actually shift and change from day to day). Our pets are no different.

Do you know when your pet is over stimulated?
If you notice that your pet is over stimulated, what do you do about it?

I find that this is something that most people are unaware of. Our pets can easily get over stimulated from a variety of situations in daily life, especially if there has not been intentional training around that type of situation.

I sat down to get some content created and heard a noise, and looked up to find a squirrel on the window sill! My windows aren't the easiest to get to, which means s/he scaled the wall to get there. After delighting me long enough for me to take pictures, they scampered off again to do their squirrelly business.
Whenever I have an encounter like this, I have learned to pause. Unusual encounters with animals often have a message for me, and today was no different.

It’s inevitable that at some point in our lives we have to move. Relocating is a stressful enough event, and when you have a pet (or pets!) it adds another layer of challenging logistics to make sure that they are taken care of in the process.

Why does my cat meow all the time?

I get this question a lot - my cat keeps meowing and I don’t know what they want!

Cats are fascinating because they break so many of the ‘rules’ that apply to many other animals. Add on top of that the fact that so many cats are completely individualistic and you can’t make blanket statements about cats very easily.

What’s happening right now in the back of your body?
More than likely you’re going to say, “Huh?”

I’ve noticed that more often than not as humans we default to being overly focused/aware of what’s going on in our hands and in our line of sight/in our minds. We completely lose awareness of the rest of our entire body, especially the back of our body.

I got this question from a reader recently: Does my dog or cat know if I am feeling one way, say sad, but acting happy?

The quick answer is YES!

Our pets can absolutely feel when we have multiple layers of feelings going on. From their perspective it doesn’t feel good when we are trying to outwardly show happiness, but inwardly we are feeling not so great.

None of the skills in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey are radical in any way, but they are all combined together in one flow that form a helpful progression for self leadership and empowerment.

This quote stood out to me: “Begin with the end in mind.”

This is one of the biggest missing pieces I see in people’s relationships with their pets. So often they have training goals, relationship goals, or simply things they want to have happen differently. But they get stuck. And then they are caught in a loop of behavior that doesn’t feel good to them, or to their pets.

Like it or not, our pets are going to assume a role in our life. If we’re not intentional about it, then things can go a bit haywire. That feels as bad to our pet as it does to us!

This was the case with my horse, Storm. If you’re not familiar with him yet, he’s a big gray draft-cross, and I have struggled with fear issues with him for most of our relationship. He has a way of triggering the points in someone just by his sheer presence and size (he does weigh over 2000 pounds, and his head is the height of my torso alone).
One day I was exasperated that I was yet again feeling anxious about working with him, and he was (again) nervous an antsy as a result. We were trapped in a cycle that had no end. Unless I could do something different.

I wish you’d just ________!”

How often have those words been uttered? If I’m being honest, they’re almost always followed by “so I can ________!”

“I wish you’d just _______, so I can ________.”

Generally that second fill-in-the-blank is filled with “feel something else,” i.e. feel something different than what I’m feeling right now.

Don’t waste your pennies on treats for your pet this year.

I know, I know, they get crazy when you reach for THAT cabinet or drawer. I get it, they do love them.

But after connecting with hundreds of pets over the years I have learned something. They don’t really want things. They want YOU. Your connection, your time, your love, your attention and focus are the things they want MOST. Treats are nice, but not really necessary at all. So save your money for things that mean a lot more, and give them these things instead

Do you really know your own power?

Do you believe how powerful you are all the time? At every moment, and every breath?

Or do you forget?

Do you only associate power with times when you feel a certain way - strong, present, grounded?

Or do you think that power is something that you’re not - charismatic, tall, rich?