How’s your account
Relationships are like bank accounts… Hear me out.
When working with your pet you have to build a relationship. It’s like opening a bank account. When you start, there’s probably no balance in the account at all. You and your pet are new to each other and have to learn about all the little quirks. You have to build a language together that is mutually understood. Every time you take action in relationship to your pet, you are either making a deposit or making a withdraw.
When you do something kind that connects you to your pet, that’s a deposit.
When you do something that strains the relationship, that’s a withdraw.
Every interaction is either a deposit or a withdraw on the relationship.
Deposits build up the account; withdraws deplete the account.
Too many withdraws without a deposit will put your account in the red, and just like real life bank accounts it’s much harder to come back from being over drawn on an account than it is to stay in the positive.
Deposits can look like:
Spending undemanding time together doing what your pet loves (napping, relaxing, playing, eating, grooming, grazing, etc)
Playing games together that are engaging and fun for your pet
Training with positive outcomes
Exploring together in a way that helps build your pet’s confidence
Withdraws can look like:
Putting your pet in scary situations (knowingly, i.e. the vet’s office; or unknowingly, i.e. being surprised on a walk together by something scary)
Leaving your pet in an anxious state of mind
Disciplining your pet in a way that doesn’t help build language together for communication
Not giving your pet enough stimulation to help encourage a healthy state of mind
Reality is that there will be things that will test your relationship with your pet. Sometimes you have plenty of time to make lots of deposits to build up your account before that happens. Sometimes you don’t - vet visits can be life saving and very necessary and sometimes happen when you and your pet haven’t been together for very long.
Just like not all withdraws will be equal, not all deposits will be equal, either.
The quality of the deposit matters a lot more than the quantity. Stuffing your pet full of treats might seem like a great way to make a deposit (positive stuff going in, right?!), but in the long run that will only serve to create expectations around when and where deposits (treats) should be made, which can create a withdraw when it doesn’t happen immediately in that exact fashion every time. Oops!
Creating small moments to make lots of deposits throughout the day will add interest to those deposits, which helps to fill up the account and creates trust that there will always be deposits, even when a withdraw needs to be made.
How you approach the smallest of things through the day will create lots of opportunities for deposits. Every moment with your pet is a chance for a transaction. This is especially true when you have long stretches where you might not see your pet, as is the case with a boarded horse. That means that each moment is going to be even more impactful with every deposit (or withdraw) that you make. So that extra 5 minutes of grazing time on the really good grass with your horse, or walking time with your dog will have a bigger impact when you have less time available to spend with your pet.
And that means when it’s time for the vet, or the scary moment happens when you’re out together, you’ll have something to make a withdraw against and it won’t set your relationship back.
So what moments can you spend a little extra quality time with your pet today? How can you add a little extra training time, or fun game time, together that will help add just a few more deposits into your account together?
PS, it probably goes without saying that all this applies to every relationship with humans that you have, too! :)
