Touch isn’t necessary
Mercury likes to cuddle close by but without touching.
“Why won’t my pet cuddle with me?”
It’s not an uncommon question that I get. “My pet likes to sit on so-and-so’s lap, but not mine. I want them to cuddle with me, too.”
Underneath the words, I feel the pang of jealousy that their furry companion is choosing another member of the household over them.
“But I feed them/care for them/walk them/do all the things, and they won’t cuddle with me!”
I get it - one of the top reasons we choose to keep pets is the connection that we have with them. There’s lots of research validating the health benefits of connecting with our pets. So when a pet actively doesn’t want to connect, it feels like getting shunned in the worst way possible, especially when you might be the primary provider of their necessities.
Here’s what I’ve learned about it from the pets: They don’t need to touch us in the same way we need to touch them. Our pets are energetically connected to everything around them, and as a result, they don’t have the same need for touch that we do.
Just being close to another being is a connection (frankly they don’t even need to be in the same room, either, but that’s another conversation).
A pet’s relationship with each member of the household will be unique. Sometimes there are specific reasons a pet chooses one person over another, but that reason is almost never “I don’t like that person.” It’s frequently about the timing, willingness to be still, chair, sunlight, blankets, temperature, twitchiness, or any number of other reasons that pets choose to be physically connected to one human vs another.
The biggest key is to not take it personally. It is rarely about us as much as it is some kind of preference that the pet has. And every time I have had this conversation with a client, we have explored what other ways that pet connects - and frequently we find unique ways that pet acts with that person and no one else in the household. It just isn’t sitting in the lap.
Connection for our pets is about the energy of the space and being close by. A pet that feels safe enough to sleep in the same room with someone is a pet that is connecting with the others in the room. A pet that grooms, or plays, or even watches out the window while their human is nearby is connected.
Our animals don’t need or want to be touched all the time or to touch others all the time. Their preferences vary as much as human preferences do, and let’s face it, there are days I don’t want to do much cuddling either. But being able to read books together in the same room is fantastic.
Allowing for more preferences from our pets without those preferences meaning anything about us is the key. When we can give our pets that freedom, you might just be surprised by who they do choose to cuddle with.
